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Cool Quotes - S

Salutation


Hail, Emperor, those who are about to die salute you. (Ave, Imperator, morituri te salutant).
Author unidentified, (reportedly said before a mock naval battle in AD 52)

San Diego


San Diego didn't look like the kind of town where people get born.
Steve Ellman

San Francisco


The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.
Mark Twain

Satire


Satire should, like a polished razor keen,
Wound with a touch that's scarcely felt or seen.
Lady Mary Wortley Montagu

Satisfaction


I die without remorse, as I have lived without guilt.
Julian, Emperor of Rome

Science


An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him.

"Well, Zayda, it's sort of like this. Einstein says that if you're having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a minute seems like an hour. But if you're sitting with a beautiful woman on your lap, an hour seems like a minute."

The old man considers this profound bit of thinking for a moment and says, "And from this he makes a living?"

Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"

Results! Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousand things that won't work.
Thomas A. Edison

I can't believe that God plays dice with the universe.
Albert Einstein

If my theory of relativity is proven successful, Germany will claim me as a German, and France will declare that I am a citizen of the world. Should my theory prove untrue, France will say that I am a German, and Germany will declare that I am a Jew.
Albert Einstein

When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, you think it's only a minute. But when you sit on a hot stove for a minute, you think it's two hours. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein

Science without religion is lame; religion without science is blind.
Albert Einstein

Most of the fundamental ideas of science are essentially simple, and may, as a rule, be expressed in a language comprehensible to everyone.
Albert Einstein

Science is built of facts the way a house is built of bricks; but an accumulation of facts is no more a science than a pile of bricks is a house.
Henri Poincaré

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Albert Einstein (Attributed)

There's a mighty big difference between good, sound reasons and reasons that sound good.
Burton Hillis

No amount of experimentation can ever prove me right; a single experiment can prove me wrong.
Albert Einstein

If I have been able to see farther than others, it was because I stood on the shoulders of giants.
Sir Isaac Newton

Perfection [in design] is achieved not when there is nothing more to add, but rather when there is nothing more to take away.
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it.
Donald Knuth

There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
Mark Twain

The great tragedy of Science -- the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact.
Thomas H. Huxley

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
Albert Einstein

The answer to unethical science is not to give up on ethics, but rather to pursue ethical science.
Author unidentified

Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he was twice married, it never occurred to him to verify this statement by examining his wives' mouths.
Bertrand Russell

Post-Normal Science is where facts are uncertain, values in dispute, stakes high and decisions urgent.
Silvio Funtowicz and Jerome Ravetz

The most important scientific revolutions all include, as their only common feature, the dethronement of human arrogance from one pedestal after another of previous convictions about our centrality in the cosmos.
Stephen Jay Gould

This isn't right. This isn't even wrong.
Wolfgang Pauli

[In] the post-Enlightenment world, science [has] taken the place of magic, miracles, and superstition.
Jonah Goldberg

Season


To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring.
George Santayana

Secret


It is wise not to seek a Secret, and Honest not to reveal it.
Author unidentified

Three may keep a Secret, if two of them are dead.
Author unidentified

Security


Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature.
Helen Keller

Seduction


But seduction isn't making someone do what they don't want to do. Seduction is enticing someone into doing what they secretly want to do already.
Waiter Rant

Self


There is nothing noble about being superior to some other men. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self.
Hindustani proverb

There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self.
Aldous Huxley

To know oneself, one should assert oneself.
Albert Camus

There is nothing in the world to which every man has a more unassailable title than to his own life and person.
Schopenhauer

Only the shallow know themselves.
Oscar Wilde

There are some days when I think I'm going to die from an overdose of satisfaction.
Salvador Dali

We run fastest and farthest when we run from ourselves.
Eric Hoffer

The remarkable thing is that we really love our neighbors as ourselves: we do unto others as we do unto ourselves. We hate others when we hate ourselves. We are tolerant of others when we tolerate ourselves. We forgive others when we forgive ourselves. We are prone to sacrifice others when we are ready to sacrifice ourselves.
Eric Hoffer

Self-Esteem


I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. . . . Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder.
Jay Leno

Self-Importance


Self-importance is our greatest enemy. Think about it -- what weakens us is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of our fellowmen. Our self-importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone.
Carlos Castaneda

Self-Improvement


Be at war with your vices,
At peace with your neighbors,
And let every New Year,
find you a better man.
Benjamin Franklin

Self-Respect


No man who is occupied in doing a very difficult thing, and doing it very well, ever loses his self-respect.
George Bernard Shaw

Selfishness


Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
Oscar Wilde

Sense


Take care of the sense and the sounds will take care of themselves.
Lewis Carroll

Where sense is wanting,
Everything is wanting.
Benjamin Franklin

Sentimentalist


A sentimentalist is simply one who desires to have the luxury of an emotion without paying for it.
Oscar Wilde

Seriousness


They that [are] serious in ridiculous matters [will] be ridiculous in serious affairs.
Cato the Elder (Marcus Porcius Cato)

Sex


The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
Brendan Francis

There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection is the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.
Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior

The daughter-in-law of Pythagoras said that a woman who goes to bed with a man ought to lay aside her modesty with her skirt, and put it on again with her petticoat.
Montaigne

Of all sexual aberrations, chastity is the strangest.
Anatole France

Marriage has many pains but celibacy has no pleasures.
Samuel Johnson

They made love as though they were an endangered species.
Peter De Vries

The physical union of the sexes . . . only intensifies man's sense of solitude.
Nicolas Berdyaev

As a child of eight Mr. Trout had once kissed a girl of six under the mistletoe at a Christmas party, but there his sex life had come to abrupt halt.
P. G. Wodehouse

Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.
Dorothy Parker

Women complain about sex more often than men. Their gripes fall into two major categories: (1) Not enough. (2) Too much.
Ann Landers

Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children. Life is the other way around.
David Lodge

Women can sleep with whoever they want;
Men have to sleep with whoever will let them.
Author unidentified

A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky. The woman already knows.
Monica Piper

You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.
Jeff Foxworthy

I know nothing about sex because I was always married.
Zsa Zsa Gabor

Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.
Jimmy Demaret

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
Billy Crystal

Men want sex. If men ruled the world, they could get sex anywhere, anytime. Restaurants would give you sex instead of breath mints on the way out. Gas stations would give sex with every fill-up. Banks would give sex to anyone who opened a checking account.
Scott Adams

Lie back and think of England.
Author unidentified. There is an apocryphal story that Queen Victoria offered this advice on her daughter's wedding night.

After all, [female genital mutilation is] a key pillar of institutional misogyny in Islam: its entire purpose is to deny women sexual pleasure. True, a lot of us hapless western men find we deny women sexual pleasure without even trying, but we don't demand genital mutilation to guarantee it. On such slender distinctions does civilization rest.
Mark Steyn

Silence


Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.
Beckett

Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent,
and discerning if he holds his tongue.
Proverbs 17:28

Silence is the virtue of fools.
Sir Francis Bacon

I think the first virtue is to restrain the tongue; he approaches nearest to gods who knows how to be silent, even though he is in the right.
Cato the Elder (Marcus Porcius Cato)

Simplicity


Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
Leonardo da Vinci

Simplicity does not precede complexity, but follows it.
Alan Perlis

Sincerity


A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
Oscar Wilde

Skepticism


Skepticism, like chastity, should not be relinquished too readily.
George Santayana

Slavery


Slavery is such an atrocious debasement of human nature, that its very extirpation, if not performed with solicitous care, may sometimes open a source of serious evils.
Benjamin Franklin

Sloth


Diligence overcomes Difficulties, Sloth makes them.
Author unidentified

Smoking


I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.
Mark Twain

Social Darwinism


[Social Darwinism] is the most influential misconception in history, since it produced the Marxism of Capital, the imperialism of Joe Chamberlain, and the racialism of Adolf Hitler.
Paul Johnson

Social Engineering


Much of the social history of the Western world over the past three decades has involved replacing what worked with what sounded good. In area after area -- crime, education, housing, race relations -- the situation has gotten worse after the bright new theories were put into operation. The amazing thing is that this history of failure and disaster has neither discouraged the social engineers nor discredited them.
Thomas Sowell

Social Science


If any student of social science comes to appreciate the case of the Forgotten Man, he will become an unflinching advocate of strict scientific thinking in sociology, and a hard-hearted skeptic as regards any scheme of social amelioration. He will always want to know, Who and where is the Forgotten Man in this case, who will have to pay for it all?
William Graham Sumner

Socialism


To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches.
Margaret Thatcher

Marxian Socialism must always remain a portent to the historians of Opinion -- how a doctrine so illogical and so dull can have exercised so powerful and enduring an influence over the minds of men, and, through them, the events of history.
John Maynard Keynes

[In the Soviet Union,] they pretend to pay us and we pretend to work.
Author unidentified

Give people plenty and security, and they will fall into spiritual torpor.
Charles Murray

The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other peoples' money.
Margaret Thatcher

[Socialists claim] that we reject fraternity, solidarity, organization, and association; and they brand us with the name of individualists. We can assure them that what we repudiate is not natural organization, but forced organization. It is not free association, but the forms of association that they would impose upon us. It is not spontaneous fraternity, but legal fraternity. It is not providential solidarity, but artificial solidarity, which is only an unjust displacement of responsibility. Socialism . . . confounds Government and society.
Frédéric Bastiat

Society


Society in its full sense . . . is never an entity separable from the individuals who compose it.
Ruth Benedict

There is no such thing as society: there are individual men and women, and there are families.
Margaret Thatcher

But a society that has nothing to die for has nothing to live for . . .
Mark Steyn

To take from one because it is thought that his own industry and that of his father's has acquires too much, in order to spare to others, who, or whose fathers have not exercised equal industry and skill, is to violate arbitrarily7 the first principle of association -- 'the guarantee to every one of a free exercise of his industry and the fruits acquired by it.'
Thomas Jefferson

The form was still the same, but the animating health and vigor were fled.
Edward Gibbon

Stop chasing [Facebook] likes and start doing more likable things.
Peter Shankman

Soldier


The patient and active virtues of a soldier are insensibly nursed in the habits and discipline of a pastoral life.
Edward Gibbon

Solitude


Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone . . .
Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Be glad, and your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all --
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
But alone you must drink life's gall.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Son


He who causes his father's heart to bleed
Will one day have a son to avenge the deed.
Author unidentified

Beat your son every day; you may not know why, but he will.
Author unidentified

Soul


Coddle the body and you harm the soul.
Polish proverb

Source


If there is but little water in the stream, it is the fault, not of the channel, but of the source.
Saint Jerome

Noli equi dentes inspicere donati. [Never look a gift horse in the mouth.]
Saint Jerome

Sovereign


Such was the unhappy condition of the Roman emperors, that, whatever might be their conduct, their fate was commonly the same. A life of pleasure or virtue, of severity or mildness, of indolence or glory, alike led to an untimely grave; and almost every reign is closed by the same disgusting repetition of treason and murder.
Edward Gibbon

Alas! the republic has lost a useful servant, and the rashness of an hour has destroyed the services of many years. You know not, the misery of sovereign power; a sword is perpetually suspended over our head. We dread our very guards, we distrust our companions. The choice of action or of repose is no longer in our disposition, nor is there any age, or character, or conduct, that can protect us from the censure of envy. In thus exalting me to the throne, you have doomed me to a life of cares, and to an untimely fate.
Saturninus, when his troops put him forward as a contender to the Roman Emperor.

[If] the exercise of justice is the most important duty, the indulgence of mercy is the most exquisite pleasure, of a sovereign.
Theodosius I

The usual disease of princes, grasping covetousness, had made them suspicious and quarrelsome neighbors.
Plutarch

Pyrrhus revived this image [of Alexander the Great] by the fire and vigor of his movements in the field of battle; the rest only mimicked the hero, whose title they assumed, in their demeanor, and in the trappings and state of royalty.
Plutarch

[The] day of his inauguration was the last day of his happiness.
Edward Gibbon

The Romans derided [Marius's] indolence; they soon bewailed his activity.
Edward Gibbon

For my own part, I adhere to the maxim of antiquity, that the throne is a glorious sepulchre.
Theodora

To maintain the harmony of authority and obedience, to chastise the proud, to protect the weak, to reward the deserving, to banish vice and idleness from his dominions, to secure the traveller and merchant, to restrain the depredations of the soldier, to cherish the labors of the husbandman, to encourage industry and learning, and, by an equal and moderate assessment, to increase the revenue, without increasing the taxes, are indeed the duties of a prince . . .
Edward Gibbon

Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.
William Shakespeare

Space


Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if your car could go straight upwards.
Fred Hoyle

Space . . . is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space.
Douglas Adams

Sparrow


Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon after the weather turned cold, the sparrow changed his mind and reluctantly started to fly south. After a short time, ice began to form his on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on this little bird and the sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy the little sparrow began to sing. Just then, a large Tom cat came by and, hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds. As Old Tom cleared away the manure, he found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.

There are three morals to this story:
  1. Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.
  2. Everyone who gets you out of shit is not necessarily your friend.
  3. If you are warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut.
Author unidentified

Speech


It is a great misfortune neither to have enough wit to talk well nor enough judgment to be silent.
Jean de la Bruyere

10 persons who speak make more noise than 10,000 who are silent.
Napoleon Bonaparte

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
Ambrose Bierce

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
Robert Benchley

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
George Bernard Shaw

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Publilius Syrus

It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
Mark Twain.

Let thy speech be better than silence, or be silent.
Dionysus the Elder

[He] possessed that vehemence of speech, which seldom fails to impart the persuasion of the soul.
Edward Gibbon

Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.
Horace

Spite


I am ignorant, sir, of your motives or provocations; I only know, that you have acted like a man who cuts off his right hand with his left.
Author unidentified

Sports


Some [soccer] players suffer four or five fatal injuries per game. That's how tough they are.
Dave Barry

Rockne wanted nothing but "bad losers." Good losers get into the habit of losing.
George E. Allen

It's never just a game when you're winning.
George Carlin

Sportsmanship


What I admire most in any man is a serene spirit, a steady freedom from moral indignation, and all-embracing tolerance -- in brief, what is commonly called sportsmanship.
H. L. Mencken

Spouse


Spouse, n. Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
Author unidentified

I don't like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
Adam Carolla (paraphrased)

I don't like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. My wife doesn't even crack the top 25.
Adam Carolla (paraphrased)

St. Jerom


The stories of Paul, Hilarion, and Malchus, by [St. Jerom], are admirably told: and the only defect of these pleasing compositions is the want of truth and common sense.
Edward Gibbon

Stability


There is this special biologist word we use for 'stable'. It is 'dead'.
Jack Cohen

Stalinism


Arrest, try, shoot!
Central Committee's response to Stalin's mere mention of internal enemies

Stanley Baldwin


It was the voice of the new England: uncomfortable with greatness, wary of excellence, indifferent to challenges abroad . . . an appropriate debut for this evangelist of political mediocrity.
William Manchester, on Stanley Baldwin

Statist


The end-game for statists is very obvious. If you expand the bureaucratic class and you expand the dependent class, you can put together a permanent electoral majority.
Mark Steyn

Statistics


Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.
Mark Twain

Stranger


The separation of the Arabs from the rest of mankind has accustomed them to confound the ideas of stranger and enemy . . .
Edward Gibbon

Listen up, if someone is being nice to you, and you don't know them, run away. No one is nice to you just to be nice to you, and if they are, well, they can go take their pleasant ass somewhere else.
Samuel Halpern

Strategy


Short-term thinking drives out long-term strategy.
Herbert Simon

Stupidity


Never attribute to malice that which can adequately be explained by stupidity.
Author unidentified

A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.
Bertrand Russell

Against stupidity the gods themselves struggle in vain.
Author unidentified

Subservience


Orders can be benign or malign, but the habit of obeying them can become ingrained.
Theodore Dalrymple

Success


It is not enough to succeed, a friend must fail.
Francois De La Rochefoucauld

What is success?
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived;
That is to have succeeded.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Lose as if you like it; win as if you were used to it.
Tommy Hitchcock

Success is a journey, not a destination.
Ben Sweetland

Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend's success.
Oscar Wilde

Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Woody Allen

Suffering


The sufferings that fate inflicts on us should be borne with patience, what enemies inflict with manly courage.
Thucydides

Suicide


When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace and death a duty.
Voltaire (François Marie Arouet)

Unhappy men! If you are thus weary of your lives, is it so difficult for you to find ropes and precipices?
Antoninus Pius (Attributed), to zealous Christians who apparently provoked the authorities in order to become martyrs

The criminal penalties [for suicide] are the production of a later and darker age.
Edward Gibbon

Yet the civilians have always respected the natural right of a citizen to dispose of his life . . .
Edward Gibbon

Superfluous


The superfluous is very necessary.
Voltaire (François Marie Arouet)

Superstition


A superstition is a premature explanation that overstays its time.
George Iles

Fear has been the original parent of superstition, and every new calamity urges trembling mortals to deprecate the wrath of their invisible enemies.
Edward Gibbon

Suspense


The suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.
Oscar Wilde

Swiss


The Swiss are not a people so much as a neat, clean, quiet solvent business.
William Faulkner

Sympathy


Our sympathy is cold to the relation of distant misery.
Edward Gibbon

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Last updated: November 13, 2017