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Cool Quotes - H


Coming down with something? Please. You reek of booze and bullshit. Don't lie to a Kentuckian about drinking or horses, son.
Samuel Halpern


Men who are unhappy, like men who sleep badly, are always proud of the fact.
Bertrand Russell

We are never so happy nor so unhappy as we imagine.
Francois De La Rochefoucauld

There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.

My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?
Charles M. Schulz

Happiness? That's nothing more than health and a poor memory.
Albert Schweitzer

It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Agnes Repplier

Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.
Anne Frank

Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
Leo Tolstoy

The conviction of the rich that the poor are happy is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.
Laurence J. Peter

The only really happy folk are married women and single men.
H. L. Mencken

He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed.
David Frost

A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it; it would be hell on earth.
George Bernard Shaw

When I was young, I used to think that wealth and power would bring me happiness . . . I was right.
Gahan Wilson

Hollywood is where, if you don't have happiness, you send out for it.
Rex Reed

Boethius might have been styled happy, if that precarious epithet could be safely applied before the last term of the life of man.
Edward Gibbon

There is no device whatever to be invented for securing happiness without industry, economy, and virtue.
William Graham Sumner

If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have paradise in a few years.
Bertrand Russell

The good life, as I conceive it, is a happy life. I do not mean that if you are good you will be happy - I mean that if you are happy you will be good.
Bertrand Russell

The only happy people I know are people I don't know well.
Helen Telushkin


Haste is of the devil. Slowness is of God.
H. L. Mencken

If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?
John Wooden

Make haste slowly
Author unidentified


Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.
Eric Hoffer


Nature, time and patience are the three great physicians.

If a man thinks about his physical or moral state, he nearly always discovers that he is ill.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

A vigorous five-mile walk will do more good for an unhappy but otherwise healthy adult than all the medicine and psychology in the world.
Paul Dudley White

What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease.
George Dennison Prentice

I'm not sick, but I'm not well.
Harvey Danger

Use your health, even to the point of wearing it out. That is what it is for. Spend all you have before you die; and do not outlive yourself.
George Bernard Shaw

Nearly all men die of their medicines, and not of their illnesses.

Sugar and alcohol are sweet poisons.
Author unidentified

"Good health" is merely the slowest rate at which one can die.
Author unidentified

Leave the table hungry.
Leave the bed sleepy.
Leave the table thirsty.
Irish Recipe for Longevity, Author unidentified

Be not slow to visit the sick.
Ecclesiasticus 7:39

Preserving health by too severe a rule is a worrisome malady.
Francois De La Rochefoucauld

Health is not simply the absence of sickness.
Hannah Green

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
Jackie Mason

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Redd Foxx

Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
Robert Orben

People are fed by the food industry, which pays no attention to health, and are treated by the health industry, which pays no attention to food.
Wendell Berry


There is only one quality worse than hardness of heart and that is softness of head.
Theodore Roosevelt

The head never rules the heart, but just becomes its partner in crime.
Mignon McLaughlin

As the arteries grow hard, the heart grows soft.
H. L. Mencken

Each heart knows its own bitterness,
and no one else can share its joy.
Proverbs 14:10

Even in laughter the heart may ache,
and joy may end in grief.
Proverbs 14:13

Let not your heart be troubled . . .
John 14:1 (KJV)

Heaven And Hell

Heaven for climate, hell for company.
James M. Barrie

Everyone who has ever built anywhere a "new heaven" first found the power thereto in his own hell.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Here we may reign secure, and in my choice
To reign is worth ambition though in hell:
Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven.
John Milton

What shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?
Mark 8:36

Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
Mark Twain

May you get to Heaven a half hour before the Devil knows you're dead.
Irish Proverb

It is Hell, of course, that makes priests powerful, not Heaven, for after thousands of years of so-called civilization fear remains the one common denominator of mankind.
H. L. Mencken

Cerberus, n. The watch-dog of Hades, whose duty it was to guard the entrance -- against whom or what does not clearly appear; everybody, sooner or later, had to go there, and nobody wanted to carry off the entrance.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
William Shakespeare

Who finds heaven on earth will end in hell.
Daniel Mark Epstein

According to the faith and mercy of his Christian enemies, [Chosroes] sunk without hope into a still deeper abyss [Hell]; and it will not be denied, that tyrants of every age and sect are the best entitled to such infernal abodes.
Edward Gibbon

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.
Dante Alighieri

I always say, as you know, that if my fellow citizens want to go to Hell I will help them. It's my job.
Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

I have friends in both places [Heaven and Hell].
Mark Twain

Henry III

Like Jesus Christ himself, Henry [III] was as wise on the day of his birth as he would ever be.
Author unidentified


We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
Will Rogers (Attributed)

But heroes are not reckless or foolhardy. . . . A sensible hero fights bravely when he needs to do so; but first he fights prudently in order to avoid fighting bravely.
John O'Sullivan

No man's a hero to himself.
Ray Bradbury


Even a fool may be wise after the event.


The revolution of ages may bring round the same calamities; but ages may revolve without producing a Tacitus to describe them.
Edward Gibbon

History does not have sides, although historians do.
Jay Nordlinger


Don't brood on what's past, but never forget it either.
Thomas H. Raddall

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
George Santayana

History, n. An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

History . . . is indeed little more than the register of the crimes, follies, and misfortunes of mankind.
Edward Gibbon

[The] Holy Roman Empire was neither holy, nor Roman, nor an empire . . .
Voltaire (François Marie Arouet)

History's lessons are no more enlightening than the wisdom of those who interpret them.
David Schoenbrun

History repeats itself; historians repeat one other.
Rupert Brooke

The study of history is a powerful antidote to contemporary arrogance. It is humbling to discover how many of our glib assumptions, which seem to us novel and plausible, have been tested before, not once but many times and in innumerable guises; and discovered to be, at great human cost, wholly false. It is sobering, too, to find huge and frightening errors constantly repeated; lessons painfully learnt forgotten in the space of a generation; and the accumulated wisdom of the past heedlessly ignored in every society, and at all times.
Paul Johnson

Anybody can make history. Only a great man can write it.
Oscar Wilde

One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say. [emphasis added]
Will Durant

The voice of history [is] often little more than the organ of hatred or flattery.
Edward Gibbon

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
Winston Churchill

The interpretation of history is forever in flux, as much reflection of the present as window on the past.
Andrew Stuttaford

From the paths of blood (and such is the history of nations) I cannot refuse to turn aside to gather some flowers of science or virtue.
Edward Gibbon

So obscure are the greatest events, as some take for granted any hearsay, whatever its source, others turn truth into falsehood, and both errors find encouragement with posterity.

[We should] suspend our belief of every tale that deviates from the laws of nature and the character of man.
Edward Gibbon

History is a pack of tricks the living play upon the dead.
Voltaire (François Marie Arouet)

There are no inevitabilities in history.
Paul Johnson

. . . there is no logic or justice in history. It is all a matter of chronology.
Paul Johnson

There is no such person as History. It is human beings who decree.
Paul Johnson

. . . reality cannot for long be banished from history. Facts have a way of making their presence felt.
Paul Johnson

What is important in history is not only the events that occur but the events that obstinately do not occur.
Paul Johnson

. . . the historian of the modern world is sometimes tempted to reach the depressing conclusion that progress is destructive of certitude. In the eighteenth and the nineteenth centuries the Western elites were confident that men and progress were governed by reason. A prime discovery of modern times is that reason plays little part in our affairs.
Paul Johnson


Better than the rest of us, they [the Jews] sensed what was ahead for their people.
H. L. Mencken


'Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam,
Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home;
John Howard Payne


After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Cato the Elder (Marcus Porcius Cato)

It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not.
André Gide

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.
Mark Twain

It was no longer esteemed infamous for a Roman to survive his honor and independence.
Edward Gibbon

And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.
Thomas Jefferson, et al.

Honor is like an island, rugged and without a beach; once we have left it, we can never return.
Nicolas Boileau-Despréaux


He had that rare weird electricity about him -- that extremely wild and heavy presence that you only see in a person who has abandoned all hope of ever behaving "normally."
Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing '72"

Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all they have.
H. Jackson Brown Jr.

So farewell hope, and with hope, farewell fear,
Farewell remorse; all good to me is lost;
Evil, be thou my good . . .
John Milton

Abandon all hope, you who enter here (Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch'entrate).

He that lives upon Hope will die fasting.
Author unidentified


When any man is more stupidly vain and outrageously egotistic than his fellows, he will hide his hideousness in humanitarianism.
George Moore

The type and formula of most schemes of philanthropy or humanitarianism is this: A and B put their heads together to decide what C shall be made to do for D. . . . I call C the Forgotten Man.
William Graham Sumner


Shamus, n. [Yiddish]: A shamus is a guy who takes care of handyman tasks around the temple, and makes sure everything is in working order. A shamus is at the bottom of the pecking order of synagogue functionaries, and there's a joke about that: A rabbi, to show his humility before God, cries out in the middle of a service, "Oh, Lord, I am nobody!" The cantor, not to be bested, also cries out, "Oh, Lord, I am nobody!" The shamus, deeply moved, follows suit and cries, "Oh, Lord, I am nobody!" The rabbi turns to the cantor and says, "Look who thinks he's nobody!"
Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.
Rick Warren


Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Will Rogers

Look at Jewish history. Unrelieved lamenting would be intolerable. So, for every ten Jews beating their breasts, God designated one to be crazy and amuse the breast-beaters. By the time I was five I knew I was that one.
Mel Brooks

Humour can be dissected, as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process.
E. B. White

Humour is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him.
Romain Gary

The secret source of Humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
Mark Twain

Comedy, like sodomy, is an unnatural act.
Marty Feldman

There is no reason why a joke should not be appreciated more than once. Imagine how little good music there would be if, for example, a conductor refused to play Beethoven's Fifth Symphony on the ground that his audience might have heard it before.
A. P. Herbert


To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
Whenever you're right, shut up.
Ogden Nash

He would grab me in his arms, hold me close -- and tell me how wonderful he was.
Shelley Winters, of her ex-husband Vittorio Gassman


Every man alone is sincere. At the entrance of a second person hypocrisy begins. We parry and fend the approach of our fellow man by compliments, by gossip, by amusements, by affairs. We cover up our thought from him under a hundred folds.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Last updated: August 16, 2018